Assalamualaikum,
13th Feb , 9:51 am.
sometimes, i just feel like lately, everything was just a dream. something that i don't expect it to happen this fast. if i knew that it was a bad thing, dah lama dah aku akan lengahkan.i'm so sorry. it's easy when you're helping me around. Ya Allah, sebaknya. sampai hari ni aku tak dapat terima.
sebelum nightmare ni terjadi lagi, aku dapat petanda-petanda yang tak baik. but seriously, i don't blame you at all, sama sekali tidak. until the time has come for me to know. only Allah know how does it felt. saya faham. through the text that you sent, orangnya sangat matang. yet so lovely :'( you set free the person that you go, dalam cara yang baik. aku sangatlah sedih, tapi aku hormat keputusannya. cuma, aku nak minta maaf, aku rasa benda tu macam tak berlaku. sebab aku tak nak benda tu berlaku. that morning, aduh sedihnya tengok elmo merah tu. i'm so sorry, i have to return. everything. starting that morning, evrything seems wrong. i believe aku masih mentah lagi memandu. mummy forbid me from going out, but i refused to listen. then BANG! langgar tembok rumah. ini pengajaran pertama buat aku. jadi, memang padan muka sangat. inilah jadinya kalau kita emosional sangat. malam tu after work, wokers semua balik 10.30. tapi malangnya, aku balik 11.30 untuk simpan stok and seriously sangat tension.
and the next day, the whole family went to Johor Bharu excluded me. perasaan aku biasa-biasa je, tapi tak sedap hati that morning. i already prepared for work. tapi malangnya masa nak kunci pintu , kunci patah. half je ada. Ya Allah, masa tu aku rasa macam nak terajang, mencarut semua. i seek for help then. sebenarnya, boleh je aku mintak tolong jiran-jiran ke apa kan. tapi aku sangat nak minta maaf, sebab meminta pertolongan kau tu, buat aku rasa tenang. because its easy when you're helping. :'( by that evening, i brought along my friends to help me. tapi tak boleh juga. then, Pakcik Suhimi with his wife and lovely grandchildren came to help me. and, he did open the door. Alhamdulillahh :) malam tu , aku nak kau tahu, it's good to meet you and talked like we used to. :')
pagi ni, aku rasa serba salah dekat ibu ayah. they worries a lot about what happened last night. waktu habis kerja tu, i thought they already at home. but still, mereka kat Seremban. so, it's fine lah. perut sangat kosong masa tu. aku sangat lapar , teringin nak makan roti telur. gatal sangat tangan pegang stering, kaki tekan minyak pergi kedai mamak. but, too many people buat aku tak selera pulak. so aku pusing are 7eleven, suddenly kereta berhenti. ada bau asap sikit. Ya Allah, masa tu aku gelabah sangat. aku turn on hazard light, but no one helped me. masa tu okey lagi, tapi siapa tak cuak? aku try turn on balik , dia start tu dah Alhamdulillah, what's in my mind, aku nak pecut balik rumah, tu je. for the second time enjin mati lagi kat jalan besar. aku tekan hazard light. tapi boleh start enjin, cuma masa tu dah ada bunyi tak menyenangkan kat bawah kereta. lepas tu nak naik bukit pulak satu hal, minyak tekan tak mau laju, brek tak mau makan. mati lagi. masa tu aku dah nak menangis dah. sebab jalan gelap. it's so dangerous. tapi berkat bismillah , kereta hidup balik, cuma boleh tahan sampai pondok guard rumah. masa tu dah menangis dah, sebab kereta berasap tengah jalan. aku tekan hazard light, pakcik guard datang, tolong tengokkan. i was sitting in the car for almost 10 minutes thinking betapa malangnya aku haritu, telefon ibu bagi tau pasal kereta. masa tu dah cuak, ibu suruh aku jalan kaki je balik rumah. kak long told me, ayah pecut gila bab* . masa tu aku lagi lah serba salah. haiihh. right then, there's a guy together dengan Pakguard tolong tolakkan kerete ke tepi. terima kasih sangat Ya Allah. dan aku sangat beruntung ada kawan yang sudi tumpang kan aku tidur rumahnya malam tu. walaupun dah pukul 11.30 , tapi dia sanggup bangun untuk tengok aku. thank you a lot. aku takkan pernah lupa jasa kau, fatasya :')
everyday i saw people crying at my workplace, aku rasa kesian tapi aku minta maaf ye sebab aku tak dapat nak bantu , tapi aku bersedia mendengar :')
#by the way awak, if you are reading this. i just want you to know that i'm here for you :')
